I hate tough decisions. Tough decisions are taxing and overwhelming. Tough decisions often make me feel foggy. They tend to feel complicated and often keep me up at night.
For Rob and I, the last months have been filled with tough decisions.
Do we go to the States or stay in Hungary?
Do we stay in the States or go back to Hungary?
Do we keep going to school?
Do we homeschool our kids?
This week I wrestled through a tough decision. An opportunity arose for me. There were good reasons I should pursue this thing. . .
It would relieve some pressure.
It would help others.
I could do the work from anywhere.
However, there was one problem. I did not have peace. I wanted to say yes but a pause in my spirit was keeping me from feeling confident.
Like all things we say yes to:
it would take energy,
focus,
planning,
time away from my family,
time away from school,
less sleep. . .
The last few days have been one big wrestling match with God. Morning after morning, walking down the street, asking God (Yup, I am thankful for earbuds because I look like I am just on the phone!), “God, is this the next step? Is this the path you have for me to pursue right now?”
I was hoping and begging him to just say, “Yes or No.”
I was not asking anything hard, just a simple one-word answer was all I was looking for.
Yet, day after day he seemed silent.
And I felt annoyed.
Then one morning neck deep in the book, “Giants in the marketplace Davids in the Pew,” Rick Hubbell says, “If you don’t feel peace, don’t take one step further until you do.” (https://amzn.to/3hPhN9Q)
I physically stopped on the sidewalk and said, “Ok God! I am not saying yes until I have your peace.”
Later in the day, working through a writers class with Jeff Goins, (https://amzn.to/34ZvUG3) he asked two questions:
1. What makes you heart leap for joy?
2. What makes your heart ache more than anything?
Instantly, I knew God’s answer for me, “No.”
Overflowing with peace and assurance was overwhelming. The freedom from saying “no” to something, though really good, was instantly freeing.
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
(Phil 4:7).
. . .
While walking, this morning there was a lightness and speed in my step I have not had the last few days.
Peaceful.
Focused.
Settled.
Walking under the dreamy morning sky I felt excited and ready for today. I took a picture of the sunrise! I staring at the flowy clouds in the sky, the glowing sky, and the reflection of the sunrise in the pond. Thanking the Lord for his grace and patience with me.
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
(Phil 4:7).
But. . .
Just after turning around away from the sunrise and back towards the pressures of life, I felt the dark haze begin to creep in and the questions start to flood my mind.
“Liz are you sure?”
“Is this really what God has for you?”
“You are saying “no” to a sure thing and saying “yes” to an unsure thing.”
“Are you missing an opportunity for God to provide?”
Crippling questions. Soul shrinking questions. Hope dwindling questions.
Step by step my head turned towards the ground and my gaze to my feet.
Waite, what just happened?
Before I turned, I was looking up at the sky with hope. Now I am looking down and second guessing my once peaceful decision.
That moment I heard, “Liz Stop! You have a choice. You can spend today emotionally overwhelmed and frustrated? Or, you can live in that peace you had not two minutes ago and use today for what I am calling you to?”
Goodness, nothing like a kick in the gut to get one back on track.
Wow, steadfastness in tough decisions is hard.
There are so many decisions from what to wear to finances, relationships, faith, career, whether to have children, how to parent, future. . . so many. And each one feels so important and overwhelming.
Sometimes decisions happen in a moment, sometimes they take day, sometimes months or years. Sometimes they are overwhelming. Sometimes very few will understand. Sometimes we spend too much time second guessing ourselves.
As I sit and feel a little guilting for not staying steadfast to God’s leading, I am also thankful.
Thankful you and I do not have to make decisions alone.
Thankful we can go to God with every decision.
Thankful our God has the world in his hands.
Thankful our God has each of our lives in his hands.
Thankful our God is loving, just, gracious, kind, strong, and brilliant.
Thankful his greatest desire is for us to walk this life with him, so he can watch us grow, and help us flourish.
“In him and through faith we may approach God with freedom and confidence.”
Ephesians 3:12
Most of us will make a hard decision today. God would delight in making that decision with you. You don’t have to make it alone.
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